What I've learned so far in my 30's

I guess one of the most important things that I've learned as an individual is that you can't change people. People are who they are. You can't date someone hoping they'll be something else. If someone refuses to end a habbit that they've aquired, they may start off with good intentions and end it, for the sake of keeping a relationship, but you've got to be careful. If they're ending a habbit for you, then the second you do something they dissagree with, then that habbit can start right up again.

It sounds a little negative, but you shouldn't really get into a friendship or romantic relationship with someone unless you're willing to accept them for who they are. Let them be who they are and they will love you all the more for it. Don't enter into a relationship with all kinds of conditions, and lines that they can't cross. This is the most irritating thing of any relationship.

So of course you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept someone for who they are does that mean that you can't hope for that person to better themselves? Here's the thing, if you're getting into a relationship with someone who already thinks that they are the best person they can be, and they can't even think of anything that they need to work on, then duh, that's as far as they're going to go. I flipping hate people who think they are the gift. You know the types, you can't tell them anything because they're always right, they belive that what they've done in life is perfect, and for anyone to question them, then those people need to work on themselves. I have met so many people with that attitude too. If you can live with someone who knows they are the gift, then accept them for being a paper boy at the age of 35, or for being the holiest of holy's. And love them for it.

Ok so that's the first lesson. Accept your friend/loved one for who they are and love them for it.

The second thing I've learned, and this is the most recent: The best thing that you can do for yourself is love yourself. I'm not saying that you have to be narcisistic and admire yourself. But being a woman, we all have those moments when we don't like the way we look, or we analyze a conversation we had and think about how stupid we were. You know, if there is something you don't like about a friend, you can easily over look it. But when it's something about yourself, then it's harder to overlook it, and easy to obsess about it and try to correct it, if possible. Look at all the plastic surgury that's being done these days, and these self-help books that teach you how to be happy with yourself. And Therapy. How many millions have been poured into therapy from people who obsess about changing themselves or others.

So really my opionion is, is that you just need to be happy with yourself and others and everything will work itself out.