Embraced by the Light

Last Sunday David and I went to church for a class about the Temple. Basically a prepatory class for those who are new members and are preparing to go to the Temple. I have been to the Temple, but David has not. The class is taught by Steven Taylor. Brother Taylor was telling us of his experience with Lyme Disease. He caught it many years ago, and it went un-diagnosed for many years. Eventually he lost quite a bit, and they ended up here in Modesto. Brother Taylor is a writer and he co-wrote the book, Embraced by the Light. The story is of a woman who has a near-death experience and she tells of what happened. I was amazed as this story is one of the last books I read regarding NDE's and I held on the book for sentimental reasons.
When I first read this book, I was about 19 years old. Since I was about 14 I read books about NDE's and past lives, and all that fun stuff. I was always searching for an answer, the question was, "Who is God, and why am I here?" Because of this book I had prayed and listened to the still small voice. Only the voice was loud, and the voice told me to go to church. I laughed. My feeling was that religion was only put on earth to seperate people and non of the christian churches held onto my beliefe that God and Jesus are two seperate beings, Jesus prays to God, not himself througout the whole new testament. In any case, the voice telling me to go to church, could not have been my own, and I laughed, when I first heard it. I questioned it, and it was louder, and I said, "Ok, I'll go to church". The problem had been what church should I go to. I decided to ask. The vision of the two LDS missionaries that I passed by often popped into my head, and I heard, "Talk to the missionaries". again I questioned it, and I got my answer again. I then said, "Ok, I'll talk to the missionaries". Suddenly the room got brighter, the feelings inside my being lifted from darkness and filled with joy. I felt good, and I knew the answer.
I guess I forgot about this, until shortly after, the two missionaries knocked on my door. I believed everything they said, through my own deciphering and what I didn't believe, I prayed about, and it was revealed to me that it was true. I was baptized, and I have had a few lapses of church going, and I've been back and forth on what I believe. There is quite a bit of anti-mormon literature out there. But whenever I find I'm doubting my faith, the same literature makes me doubt god in general. I like this quote, "When you start doubting your faith, you should start asking yourself where these doubts come from". Question your doubts, not your faith.

Like Mother like Daughter?

My husband and my step-son have been gone for the past week. I was at girls camp last week acting as a counselor. Now my husband and step-son are at boyscout camp. I'm so bored I don't know what to do with myself. I went to the bay area today and visited my mother. I treated her to a movie, and she picked up lunch for us. It was nice becuase I haven't been able to do that in a long time. Oddly enough I noticed a connection of sorts with us. In the middle of the movie for no reason at all I got the sensation to shake my hand... She asked me what was wrong? I told her that my hand was asleep. It wasn't really asleep, I don't know what gave me that odd sensation to shake it... She told me her hand fell asleep too... weird.

It scares me how much in common I have with my mother. Not so much that I fear I'm turning into her, more so that I'm scared to get her health problems. She has lupus and has a bad time with her kidneys. I've had constant bladder infections for the past 3 years, ever since she began dialysis. I really hope I'm not going to suffer the way she has.

The only thing I have to fall back on is that I'm trying to live healthier than she had. I don't drink or smoke, and I try not to let the stresses of relationships get to me. I don't go to bars, I only care about my family...

Hopefully that will take care of health issues. I don't know though... I'm still worried.