Life seems to take so many things. I mean sometimes you wonder what is the point in loving, and life and when is it finally going to give something without taking? My mother died last March 9th. It's hard to believe that it hasn't even been 4 months yet. Seriously it feels like it was at least a year ago that I got the phone call that my mother passed away. I hated that day. I was busy doing laundry and unusually energetic. The phone rang and it was my husband, as I was coming down stairs, I saw one of those little twinkle lights in the middle of a vacant ceiling. When I saw it, I shook it off, because I haven't seen one in a long time, and I had to get the phone. My husband told me to call my aunt because she had been called by Bob. I'm not sure why Bob didn't call me, I had always figured it would be Bob that I would hear the news from. Bob was my mother's boyfriend. But I called my aunt, and she told me to call the hospital. I called the hospital and they said that it didn't look good for her, that she had already had a couple of heart attacks and she was probably going to go. I got a call 20 minutes later that told me that while I was speaking to the doctor my mother had passed away. And just like that I had no mom anymore.
I'm waiting and waiting to have some sort of gift from God, another life enter ours, kind of like an exchange for taking my mother so soon. We've been trying to have a baby for so long, and instead of getting something, something big was taken away from me. I no longer have a realationship like I had with my mother. We were so close, and I've never known anyone to be so close as we were. I'm sure everyone believes that they have a special relationship with someone, who knows them like no one else does, and for me it was my mother. I could hide my feelings from the world, and only my mother knew what I was feeling. Sometimes she knew better than I did. She knew days before it happened, that I was falling into a depression.
So when is God or Heaven, or Karma, going to give me something to replace that relationship?
I am married, and I love my husband, but he is not, nor will he ever be my Mother.
